lets ride!!!!

gay people you CAN drive.

-"how?"

let me start this by saying: I'm accustomed to taking the thorny road less traveled lol. this shouldn't be your one 'yes this will teach me everything' resource but just something to help you (roughly) map out what the process is gonna be like. I'm making this because I wish something like this existed for me when I needed it and I hope its of service to you.

my own background with driving

yes I'm doing the thing recipe authors do where they tell you a bullshit story you don't really give a fuck about before they get to the point. you can skip this if you don't care; I wrote it for my own catharsis and it got a little long lol if you followed me on twitter from january 2023 - april 2023 then you more than likely already know how much of a struggle it was for me to learn to drive and can skip these paragraphs if you want. if you don't or didn't see it, heres some background for my own driving experiences and a condensed version of 4 months of going off daily: I've been in several extremely bad accidents in my childhood that left cars completely totaled. in one accident we got t-boned into a pole by somebody speeding in a residential and my cousin broke his jaw.. it was quite bloody (he's fine today) I was in 3rd grade at that time and it was extremely traumatizing for a child. hell, I'm in my late 20s and I can still smell the air bag and hear him screaming if I think about it for too long. in another wreck (in the rain which is why I hate driving in the rain, unfun fact lol) my friend had several back-to-back seizures and we had to keep her conscious until the ambulance came to us (fret not, she's also fine today). we were teenagers on our way to a party and it really fucked me up bad ngl because I was just starting to get over the fear and becoming curious about driving and all of it came back tripled after that. I wanted to be one of those adults that never drove and planned to do that. sure, my family gave me shit for it (and so did other driving adults which did hurt sometimes ngl but I had to learn they weren't necessarily poking fun at my PTSD, just the ridiculousness of an adult in America NOT in NYC being dead set on NOT driving) but that was all okay with me because I just found driving soooo fucking scary. I'm the kind of person who can push through fear if I'm angry enough though, and thats where the story of me getting my license actually starts.
I took the bus to get to where I needed to go and supplemented where that couldn't take me with Uber/Lyft since I first moved out the house at 17 (it sounds like theres a story here - there isn't. I just started school younger than my peers). I lived in a small (but major enough) metro area so while the bussing system was...well shitty, it wasn't TOO difficult to get around. that was my life and it was fine. I moved to a larger city in my state for college and thats where commuting via the bus became all but impossible. yes, technically we have public transportation but its such a genuine pain in the ass to get around using it (and theres so many suburbs and areas where it does not take you) that you effectively have no options to travel within the city outside of getting a car. to give an example of how its a pain in the ass for users, lets walk through what my old commute used to look like: to get to work by 8 AM, I could either take the bus that picks up between 6:30-45 AM and arrive at 8:10 (LATE) or take a bus that picks up between 6:00-6:15 AM and arrive at 7:30 (EARLY and UNPAID). the route has ALOT (read: way too damn many) of stops so the ride is very long. thats why the pick up times are so wildly off day by day. now if you're like 'damn that sucks but...you can't just wake up earlier?' thats what I told myself for a full year while I commuted to my full time job via the city bus and.... it sucks! I'm sorry!! people also don't think about the same wait/delay in travel time also applies to getting off of work too. not being able to walk in the door until after 6 PM and needing to be asleep before 10 (I'm a somewhere between 10:15-11:45 bedtime girlie, typically) to wake up on time..... its just not a life I could keep living or that anybody deserves. I'm sorry. a 17 minute straight drive should not be a 2+ hour, multiple transfer trip via the bus. that is really fucking ridiculous to expect of anybody. I think people assume public transportation in all American cities is like NYC and we want to be polluting assholes who can't "just take the bus!" so I hope if you aren't American or if you've never used American public transportation this gives you an idea about what that is really like in the day-to-day of a working person. because the bus route that I lived on didn't have much pedestrian traffic during the time of day that I would go to work sometimes it wouldn't even show up at all. :) I called once and they said it was "up to driver discretion" whatever the fuck that means!!!! there came a dreary January day in 2023 where this happened to me for the third time in like 2 months and it started to rain while I was walking back home from the bus stop to call an Uber and thats when I got mad. Mad enough to say "man fuck this, I gotta drive no matter how scared I am" and started locking in... 4 months later, I passed my license exam on Saturday, April 15, 2023. this is absolutely possible for you too. I have no clue what your personal experiences with driving have been but if it terrifies you like it did me, you can learn to conquer that with time. I just wanted to give background and talk about myself a bit, as I often do. if for nobody else for me! this is 48% of the reason I wanted to have a website anyway, haha. but enough of that..

LETS GET INTO THE ACTUAL HOW-TO-DRIVE-AS-AN-ADULT INSTRUCTIONS!!

DISCLAIMER: these are general instructions for how to get your license in the United States. the US is a federalist system and requirements for licensing vary from state to state. this is more of a general layout for what the process looks on average but please remember its different from state to state

LEARNERS PERMIT LICENSE

here

player tip: it is illegal to drive without a licensed driver in the vehicle while you have a temporary permit. do not do it even to run around the corner, you can get in mad trouble and its just not worth it.

Now that you legally can drive (with a licensed passenger).. this is where instructions get a little bit hard since I have no way of knowing if you have access to a practice vehicle, I'll give 'how-to-buy-a-car' instructions and then get into the actual driving tips

PRACTICE: THE VEHICLE

before we even get into it - cars are just machines and are easily replaceable should things go wrong. we get attached to them because of familiarity but they can come and go very easily so... don't get too stuck on what you're driving. with older cars sometimes its literally cheaper to get another car than keep throwing money at it. as long as you have the license to drive you can get another car sooo easily I can't stress this enough.

'how-to-buy-a-car' instructions

buying a car is a big decision that typically involves some level of compromise on your end, but don't let fear keep you from making a choice at all. you can buy a car outright in cash, take out a loan to buy a car and pay off the loan, or lease a car from a dealership. I'm not familiar with the process of leasing a car so we won't be talking about that more than just saying its also an option. I've bought cars from both dealerships and off of people online so I'm going to go over both processes and what to expect when you do either.
When you have a 'car payment' its a bit unclear what that really means (or at least to me it was, I admittedly am financially illiterate but I'm trying to be better) so I'll break it down as I understand it: technically your loan company purchases the vehicle for you outright when you 'buy' your car at the dealership, the 'car payments' are just payments on the loan that the bank gave you to purchase your car. I'm sorry if this is a 'bitch you stating the obvious' moment but I genuinely didn't know this was how it worked when I bought my car lol. the average car loan is 6 years. my car payment is $459 a month which feels like somebody beat me, trampled me with a horse, and stole my wallet on the 15th of every month but, suprisingly, the average car payment for a used car is $523/mo so my payments are fairly average. for a new car you would be paying $726/mo depending on the make and model and popularity of the car. I've heard the people who drive those giant Ford trucks are paying like 1K a month.. yikes. the car I'm driving and paying for now is actually not the first car I purchased, its just the first car payment I've had.
Firstly I'll talk about car dealerships and what to expect with them. For my last car, I went to a 'cheap cars here' kind of place and purchased a car with a down payment of $500. wasn't the best choice because my payments were high as hell and my interest was INSANE (23.3%......) because my down payment was very low. your next option (and imo the best one, I regret not doing this sooo bad kinda) is just buying a car outright in cash. if you don't mind that the car will be older and/or have some cosmetic issues I highly recommend buying a used car and not having to worry about monthly payments or any bills associated to the car outside of maintenance, gas, and insurance. your local facebook should have a page called '[INSERT STATE YOU LIVE IN] Cars for Under [ANY AMOUNT BETWEEN $1,000-5,000]' (this is a random example for a page like this based out of Houston, TX and hopefully you get the gist of what these kind of pages look like and offer scrolling through this).craigslist is also a good option for getting a used car (I know many are very wary to use craigslist because of its reputation but really if you use discernment its a fine resource. like... scams are really obvious on there or become obvious once you get to talking to the seller). theres an 'automobile' section on the 'for sale' section of the site. read the descriptions very carefully sometimes people will sell cars that are on their last leg of life and then some months later you're having to repeat this process cause the car costs more to fix than what its worth - this happened to me with a Volkswagen I got my mom off Craigslist back in 2017 and it was a huge waste of my time and money. also! like purchasing anything else over the internet, ALWAYS be safe when meeting up with people online and don't go to the purchase alone (you'll probably have a large amount of cash on you if you're buying with straight cash and sadly some people rob people that way like a modern highwayman lol like this sounds ridiculous but it really does happen so just be safe). if you know a mechanic or if you can get somebody who knows about cars to go with you when you're going to look at it, that would help ALOT. if like me and most other people, you don't have an on call mechanic the one tip the mechanic that I go to told me: if the engine is shaking, rattling, or just sounds overly aggressive leave that car where it is and go home. it has issues that will probably be expensive or unsafe to drive.
remember how I said at the beginning that this isn't an exhaustive resource? I've only ever used facebook or craigslist for car buying online and have never explored other stuff like carvana or the trading apps/websites. you maybe could get a better deal on there. the thing with cars is like.. you have to pick one that works within your lifestyle and budget so buying one depends on what your personal needs for the vehicle are. for me I just wanted something mechanically reliable that would last me a long time after its paid off so I didn't have to have payments for at least 3-5 years after its paid off. I didn't really care about the look of it or the mileage already on it. of course I love sweet emily (my car name) nowww lol but when I was just looking I was gonna get pretty much anything that I couldve driven off in with my $500 down. get what I mean? I also am not gonna bother to get into loans, interest rates, and all that other shit because I don't understand that my damn self LOL. you can literally always ask a person who works at a car dealership to explain all this to you (granted, its their job to make everything sound great so that you purchase that car that day but some can be very honest while doing their job as salespeople. reddit is another good resource for financial help as well since the people contributing to those forum conversations are older adults that have more life experience than I, a medium young adult, do). important note: if you have either good credit (above 650) or a co-signer for your auto loan you can literally go to any car dealership and get the car you want. like most things in the United States, you'll find the process hundreds of times easier with money and credit. If you're reading this I'm under the assumption you don't have the disposable income to make decisions like that, otherwise you would just go to a car dealership lot then a driving school lol but don't let me pocket watch you.

PRACTICE: THE DRIVING

illegal

CAR INSURANCE!!!

I am not an insurance expert and honestly didn't feel like researching it just to write this little 'this is how I started driving' page up. as I said before we got started.. this isn't an exhaustive resource, just a nudge of what you need and what it takes. if you want more detail you'll have to do your own research or ask other driving people that you know (parents, grandparents, older siblings, cousins, coworkers, hell anybody who drive has to deal with insurance in some capacity). car insurance is what pays to fix damage to your vehicle if anything happens to it. you pay your premium on a monthly basis or you can pay it all at once if you got it like that lol (you would be paying like thousands of dollars but some places do give discounts if you pay your year up front). if something happens to your car you 1) put in a claim with your insurance company (this just means going to their website or app and stating what damage happened to your car and how it happened - people always say 'put in a claim' but don't say wtf that mean and I didn't know until my first accident), 2) pay your deductible (you set your deductible amount when you sign up for insurance, the higher it is the lower your monthly costs will be but on the flip side you'll want to keep it an amount that you can actually pay should an emergency arise.. like I will likely never have a spare $1,000 to pay a deductible but I can squeeze $500 out if I had to), 3) wait to hear back from your insurance company investigators about your claim and answer any questions they have (this doesn't take that long depending on your situation; mine took literally just a buisness day to reach back out to me after somebody fucked my bumper up in a hit and run), and then finally 4) they send you a check where you can get your car repaired at any shop you choose (some insurance places will make you go to specific vendors that they work with sometimes but most times they let you pick).
stupidly, insurance doesn't cover wear and tear from regular use so things like oil changes, new tires, tune ups, or general safety checks are gonna be on your own dime. which is DUMB as fuck and unfair but we aren't gonna get into that rn, just know they only help you if something happens to your car like an accident with another vehicle, hitting a building/property, or environmental stuff like a tree falling on it during a storm. car dealerships will make sure that you have insurance before you leave the lot, its part of the terms of the loan the bank gives you to pay for the car that you must be insured at all times while you're paying your loan back. the people at the dealership where I bought my car assigned me one of their 'in-house' insurance agents and he pretty much found me the best deal after comparing and all I had to do was have the money. I believe it was $200 in total to get started or something around there (it was a year and a half ago, sorry!) if you're not taking the dealership route then it can all be really confusing with nobody to do the comparing and contrasting between companies for you but it is possible with a couple days of research. the best policy really depends on your household and who all is going to be driving the car and why (like if you drive Uber/delivery you technically need a different kind of insurance to be covered while you're doing those rides). player tip: if you drive a Hyundai or a KIA because of all the theft it is hard for us to find affordable insurance right now. mine went up like $75 this year for no actual reason other than 'risk fees' when I got a new policy with another company earlier this year.. pissed me off BAD. once the logistics are out of the way - all thats left is driving the car! which, if you haven't ever done that or if you're like me and are just really anxious about being on the road I'm going to give you

DRIVING: TIPS FROM A OLD NEWBIE

hopefully some of these clarify or prepare you for what you'll see and feel on the road. These are all things I either had or wish somebody explained to me when I started driving cause I think these are all things people who have been driving for years and years forget feel scary when you're starting out. its hard to describe what driving is like via text but if you search around online there are people far more eloquent than me who can describe what to expect and give a kinda step-by-step how-to if thats what you're needing. driving schools also have youtube channels and tutorials for free, use those resources!! I watched I don't even know how many maneuverability test videos just to get a feel for what it would be like for my desk. cars naturally move forward very slowly when you're in 'drive' - I honestly didn't know this until I put a car in drive and was like why is it moving without me hitting the gas... thats normal! lol

ROADS ARE NOT SMOOTH!!!!! this sounds really simple but I wish somebody explained this to me in plain terms so it wasn't as surprising because it scared the hell out of me when I was getting started. you can feel when you drive over bumps, holes, and cracks on the road and it doesn't feel safe. it is safe but you have to control how your car reacts to the road not being even because it will make your car move. you'll see what I mean when you start driving and be like damn... the road isn't smooth at all LOL. player tip: the side of the street closest to the sidewalk tends to be the most uneven because storm drains dip down into the gutter and driving over those can feel reallyyyyy weird.. again, one of those things you have to feel to be like 'oh damn okay'

maneuvering a car is all in the way you use the wheel and the brakes. practice in an empty parking lot by parking into different spaces, thats actually why you have to know how to maneuver and why they test you on it - parking. turning a car wheel is kind of like inverted video game controls because its a little different depending on if you want to go forwards or backwards.
you don't really need to gas constantly. I was shocked at how much I just coast along when I drive sometimes. in fact, most accidents happen from going too fast and being unable to react in time or stop your car quick enough. you will rarely 'floor it' when it comes to gassing/accelerating. cars automatically move if your foot is not on the brake. its not a fast movement, more of a very slow creep but once you get 'up to speed' you can coast for a bit before you'll need to apply more gas. you don't drive constantly gassing.
building off the last point; speeding will make you lose control of your car and no matter what you do with the wheel you can't stop it. you cannot float around corners, thats how people flip over.
social norms and peer pressure actually come into play more than you think when you're driving. I know I'm somewhat of a political scientist so I view everything through that lense but I am being serious lol. you have to be helpful on the road so that everyone can get to their destinations safely. let people merge, flash people if they don't have their headlights on and they need to, let people know if their gas cap is open. just be helpful like you would want somebody to be for you.
and on the flip side of being helpful, don't let people hoe you into doing shit thats illegal or unsafe because they're rushing. if somebody is riding your ass or wants you to do an illegal turn on red or speed in a school zone... you'll just have to let them be mad. they won't be paying your deductible or your ticket if some shit happen as a result of you bending to their will. some people are genuinely insane (remember: we share the road with everybody even the aggressive and sometimes abusive) so try not to flip people off or get aggressive back with them because people get killed in road rage incidents because of that. sometimes you have to let people be insane and just pray to get away from them, sadly
defensive driving can be the difference between life and death. I don't want to freak you out by mentioning death suddenly but you need to be aware of the reality that you can die like everytime you drive a car and usually its because of other people on dumb shit not necessarily you doing something wrong. protect yourself when you drive. people are stupid as fuck. driving is about reacting to bullshit out of your control and defensive driving is a loaded term that really just means 'be careful'. situational awareness and paying attention will save your life. its so many times I've had to do some crazy maneuvers to avoid people hitting my car because they're stupid.
'rush hour' is actually 3 hours starting at 4 PM and ending generally around 6, Monday through Friday. people drive like they're absolutely the fuck crazy because they're.. rushing to get home from work or to pick kids up from daycare. it feels like everyone is conspiring to kill you on the road during those hours tbh. if you have to drive during them just know it can be intense. once you get a feel for traffic during your commute times/in your city you'll know what times the streets are busy versus when its less people out.
always drive one car length back from someone whenever the flow of traffic allows you to. tailgating is a dickish thing to do on top of being incredibly unsafe for you and for the person in front of you. I say one car length but really just be far back enough that if they slammed on their brakes randomly then you would have enough time to stop before colliding with their car - this happens ALOT like so often people will slam on their brakes for no discernable reason. If you hit the back of someones car 9.8 times out of 10 YOU will be the one found at fault for being too close!!!!!!! if you give people space this won't ever happen to you.
patience is key. rushing is typically what causes accidents. traffic comes in patterns/waves so if it seems overwhelming it will end. be patient.
you should never ever slam on your brakes. braking is a gradual slow down, not a sudden stop. if you slam your brakes too often you will fuck your car up and its expensive to fix that kind of stuff (and remember what I said about insurance? yeah they won't pay a dime of that to help you).

I hope this was helpful in some way. I hope this reaches someone like me who thought because of trauma and poverty that they would just never be able to drive. you can do this. it won't be easy but I believe in you and am here if you need to talk. if you need any state specific help or general encouragement feel free to e-mail me.